Sweaty palms, butterflies in your stomach, your heart is going a million miles a second, and your mind is racing. We all go through these feelings right before the magical first date. Fortunately, I am pretty good at first dates and actually enjoy them. But is there a certain etiquette all of us should know about first dates? On my recent dating adventure, it’s pretty clear that not many men know about certain considerations about first dates.
First dates are extremely tricky as it can turn into almost like a job interview. Not fun at all! Being in New York City and single, you go on a lot of first dates. I went on a first date recently with a nice young man. I had suggested we meet at a speakeasy in Soho for drinks. You always want to meet for drinks and not dinner just in case it was a bad match, then you dont have to suffer through a meal together. I got to the bar and he was already there. He was early. One point- guy. He stood up and I saw he was completely dressed down in sneakers and jeans. Minus one point-guy. If you are meeting someone for the first time, at a nice bar please represent yourself well and dress up. It shows you dont care about yourself enough to look nice and don’t care enough to make a good impression to your date by looking sloppy.
We had a good conversation, the usual “interview” questions of where are you from, what school did you go to, what did you study, what work do you do. Blah blah blah. It’s alright to have those questions although I long for the day I meet a man who’s willing to not ask the same ‘ole things and just let the conversation flow naturally. Then he started playing 21 questions with me.
I am quite a different type of girl and see many things unconventionally, so if you ask me certain questions, there will be a huge chance that you would dislike me. Now I had a feelling that this guy was really conservative and traditional. He asked me what I thought of marriage. Red flag! Men should never ask this question on a first date, along with political views and religion. Im blunt and honest so I told him the truth. I said that I dont really believe in the concept of marriage and as of this moment have no desire to get married. He looked like he was going to throw up after hearing the answer. He then proceeded to ask me if I want children. Then I said that I dont really like kids and I don’t really want to have any. And of course the icing on the the cake, he asked me what I thought of open marriages/relationships. I said “Well, seeing that I dont want to get married, if I had a husband and he asked me if he could have sexual relations with other women just for the sex, I would say alright go ahead. Knock yourself out.” My date’s eyes got so big I thought they were going to pop out of his head. We then went on to argue about how I believe that it’s an innate, primal instinct for men to spread their seed (biologically speaking) and that I understood the desire. He was not very happy about this at all. He then made a quip saying “Well look at all these women here at the bar, I should just spread my seed to all of them!”
After that little comment I was like “Check please!” That kind of attitude does not bode well with me. It’s very unfortunate how close minded many people are. It’s ok that we have different views but make sure you are accepting of them, and learn something from it. Obviously that date didnt lead on to dinner. He could not have run away from me fast enough! A flamboyantly gay friend of mine laughed at me and said “I can imagine you sitting there with a cocktail in your hand looking down at this poor guy speaking to him with your venomous words!” Hey , do not ask questions you wouldn’t like the answer to.
So men, if you are out on first date, do not ask questions that are too serious and ones that pertain to politics, religion, marriage, kids. Keep it lighthearted and fun. It’s even better if you dont ask questions about their background like school, work etc… Save it for the second date or slip it in the conversation vaguely. First dates are about having fun and laughing and electricity and enjoying each other’s company. Keep it light and flirty and I guarantee you’ll have the second date in the bag!